For Families and Carers

If someone you love has an eating disorder

Watching someone you care about struggle with an eating disorder can be one of the most difficult experiences a family goes through. You might feel helpless, confused, frustrated, guilty, or scared. You may have noticed changes in their behaviour and not known what to do. These feelings are completely normal, and you are not alone.

It is important to understand that eating disorders are serious mental illnesses, not choices. Your loved one is not doing this deliberately, and the condition is not a reflection of your parenting, your relationship, or anything you have done wrong. Recovery is possible with the right support, and as a family member or carer, you play an important role in that recovery.

Recognising the signs

Eating disorders can be difficult to spot, especially in the early stages. They do not always involve visible weight loss, and many people with eating disorders go to great lengths to hide their behaviours. Some signs to be aware of include:

Changes in eating habits:

Skipping meals, creating food rules, eating very slowly, cutting food into tiny pieces, or avoiding entire food groups.

Secrecy around food:

Eating in private, hiding food, or becoming defensive when asked about eating.

Preoccupation with body image:

Frequent negative comments about their body, excessive weighing, or body checking behaviours.

Mood and personality changes:

Increased anxiety, irritability, low mood, withdrawal from friends and family, or loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities.

Physical changes:

Weight loss or gain, fatigue, dizziness, feeling cold, hair loss, or dental problems.

Exercise patterns:

Excessive, compulsive, or rigid exercise routines, especially when used to compensate for eating.

Social withdrawal:

Avoiding social situations involving food, or pulling away from relationships.

If you are concerned, trust your instincts. You do not need to be certain that someone has an eating disorder before seeking advice.

How to start a conversation

Talking to someone about their eating can feel daunting, and it is natural to worry about saying the wrong thing. Here are some approaches that can help:

Choose the right moment:

Find a private, calm time when you will not be interrupted. Avoid raising the topic during or immediately before a meal.

Use "I" statements:

Try phrases like “I have noticed you seem less like yourself lately” or “I am worried about you” rather than comments about food or weight.

Avoid commenting on appearance:

Do not comment on their weight, body shape, or the amount they are eating. This can feel like criticism and may increase defensiveness.

Listen without judgement:

Let them know you are there to listen, not to fix or control. Avoid ultimatums or demands.

Be prepared for resistance:

It is very common for the person to deny there is a problem, minimise their behaviours, or react with anger. This does not mean the conversation was a mistake. It may take multiple conversations before they are ready to accept help.

Avoid blame:

Eating disorders are not caused by one person or one event. Avoid language that assigns blame to the person, yourself, or others.

What not to say

While your intentions may be good, some comments can be unhelpful or harmful. Try to avoid phrases such as “Just eat normally,” “You do not look sick,” “You are being selfish,” “Other people have it worse,” or “If you would just stop doing that, you would be fine.” These comments, even when well-meaning, can increase shame and make the person less likely to seek help.

What to expect from residential treatment

If your loved one is considering or entering residential treatment at Wandi Nerida, it is natural to have questions about what this involves and what it will be like for them and for you.

Participants stay for 60 to 90 days in a homelike setting on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. The program includes intensive psychotherapy (individual and group), supported mealtimes with nutritional rehabilitation, medical monitoring and support, and a range of holistic therapies including equine therapy, art therapy, yoga, and nature-based activities. If appropriate, your loved one will also receive support in preparing and portioning their own food, grocery shopping, practice eating out at restaurants, and practice eating independently or with loved ones to help with the transition back home.

The treatment is intensive and structured, but the environment is warm and residential rather than clinical. Participants live alongside a small group of others who are on their own recovery journeys, which helps build connection, reduce isolation, and create a sense of community.

During treatment, your loved one will be supported around the clock by a multidisciplinary team that includes psychologists, psychiatrists, dietitians, nurses, and recovery navigators. Many team members have their own lived experience of eating disorder recovery.

How families are involved at Wandi Nerida

Families and carers are an important part of the recovery process at Wandi Nerida. We recognise that eating disorders do not exist in isolation; they affect the whole family system, and recovery is strengthened when families are included in treatment.

We offer monthly multi-family therapy sessions on Saturdays, where families can participate in guided therapeutic discussions with their loved one and members of the clinical team. We also offer individual family sessions throughout the week as needed as well as weekly family education sessions online. These sessions are designed to help families understand the eating disorder and its effects on the whole family, develop communication skills and learn how to have supportive conversations, set healthy boundaries, build confidence in supporting ongoing recovery after the residential program ends, and address the emotional impact on family members and carers.

Looking after yourself as a carer

Supporting someone with an eating disorder takes a real toll on your own wellbeing. Carers often experience stress, anxiety, exhaustion, grief, and a sense of helplessness. It is important to recognise that you need support too, and that looking after your own health is not selfish; it is essential.

Some ways to look after yourself include maintaining your own support networks and friendships, setting boundaries around conversations about food and weight, seeking professional support for yourself (your GP can be a good starting point), connecting with other carers through support groups or online communities, and being patient with yourself and the recovery process.

The Butterfly Foundation National Helpline (1800 33 4673) provides free, confidential support for carers as well as people experiencing eating disorders. Support is available 7 days a week.

We are here for your whole family

If you are concerned about a loved one, or if your family member is considering residential treatment, our advisors can talk you through what is happening, what options are available, and how to take the next step. Conversations are confidential and there is no obligation. Talk to an advisor.