A Guide to Supporting your Partner

 

A Guide to Supporting your Partner

 

Eating disorders are complex mental and physical health conditions that can deeply affect both the individual and their relationships. This guide aims to help you support your partner while maintaining a healthy relationship during their journey to recovery.

Recognising the Signs

Changes in eating patterns and attitudes toward food can be subtle and often disguised as “healthy lifestyle choices” in our society. However, when these behaviours begin to interfere with daily functioning, they may indicate a serious concern. Key warning signs include:

  • Extreme food restriction or fasting behaviours
  • Missing regular meals or avoiding eating with others, eating in secret
  • Binge eating
  • Purging behaviours
  • Elimination of entire food groups
  • Misuse of supplements or medications including:
    • Laxatives or diuretics
    • Performance-enhancing substances
    • Weight loss supplements

Early recognition and intervention can significantly impact both the severity and duration of an eating disorder. If you notice these patterns, taking action promptly is crucial.

Starting the Conversation

Before approaching your partner, educate yourself about eating disorders. While you don’t need to become an expert, understanding the basics will help you communicate more effectively and compassionately.

When expressing your concerns:

  • Focus on behavioural changes rather than physical appearance
  • Express care and concern without judgment
  • Use supportive language and “I” not “you” statements, such as “I’m worried because I’ve noticed…” instead of “You need to stop…”
  • Emphasise your commitment to supporting their well-being
  • Avoid offering simple solutions such as “just eat” or “stop worrying about your weight”.

Understanding the Complexity

Research shows only 11% of people in Australia can identify eating disorder symptoms, and 25% incorrectly believe these conditions are a matter of choice. These misconceptions can create barriers to seeking help and recovery.

Remember that eating disorders often serve as coping mechanisms for deeper emotional struggles. They’re rarely just about food or weight, despite common assumptions. As such, many people face ambivalence in wanting to recover, and your partner might be more anxious, stressed, frustrated or dismiss your concerns.

Try to separate your loved one from the eating disorder and remember that recovery is possible, but requires addressing both physical and psychological aspects of the condition.

Supporting Without Fixing

It’s important to understand that you can’t “fix” an eating disorder. Research shows that while supportive partners can be crucial to recovery, attempting to control or monitor your partner’s behaviour can be counterproductive.

Instead:

  • Ask what support they need, letting your partner know you’re there to help
  • Maintain open, non-judgmental communication
  • Focus on activities unrelated to food or exercise
  • Respect their recovery journey’s pace
  • Encourage them to seek professional support. A GP is a great place to start, or call the Butterfly National Helpline.

Caring for Yourself

Studies reveal that 64% of carers need psychological support themselves, and 83% report impacts on their own mental health. Remember:

  • Take regular breaks from your caring role.
  • Lean on your other support networks to discuss your feelings and thoughts about the eating disorder.
  • Seek professional support when needed
  • Connect with support groups or counselling services
  • Practice self-care without guilt

For professional support, contact eating disorder helplines and counselling services available in your area, such as the Butterfly National Helpline. Butterfly also offers a number of programs and services to support carers, including carer support groups.

Pace yourself

Remember that supporting your partner through recovery is a marathon, not a sprint – pace yourself accordingly.

The journey to recovery isn’t linear, but with patience, understanding, and proper support, positive outcomes are possible. Focus on being a supportive presence while maintaining healthy boundaries for yourself.

If you are looking for confidential and free support now, the Butterfly National Helpline is open 7 days a week, 8am-midnight (AEST/AEDT). Call 1800 ED HOPE (1800 33 4673) or chat online or email.

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