Separating your healthy self from your eating disorder self

Recovery from an eating disorder is a journey of rediscovering your authentic self—the part of you that thrives beyond the disorder’s control. One of the most powerful tools in recovery is learning to separate your “healthy self” from your “eating disorder self.” This distinction helps you challenge harmful behaviours, reframe negative thoughts, and reconnect with your core values and aspirations.

Understanding the Two Selves

The eating disorder self is the voice that perpetuates disordered behaviours. It often thrives on guilt, shame, and fear, dictating rigid rules about food, body image, and control. This voice is not who you truly are—it’s a manifestation of the disorder.

Your healthy self, on the other hand, is the part of you that wants to recover. It embodies your values, goals, and the aspects of your personality untouched by the eating disorder. It’s compassionate, rational, and capable of making decisions that prioritise your wellbeing.

Identifying the Eating Disorder Voice

The first step in separating these two selves is to recognise when the eating disorder self is speaking. Its voice may sound critical, demanding, or fear-driven. Common thoughts include:

• “You shouldn’t eat that; it’s bad for you.”
• “You need to exercise to make up for eating.”
• “You’re not good enough unless you’re thin.”

When you notice these thoughts, pause and label them as coming from the eating disorder, not from your true self.

Cultivating the Healthy Self

Your healthy self may feel quiet or even absent in the early stages of recovery, but it’s always there, waiting to be nurtured. Strengthening this part of you involves practising self-compassion, engaging in activities that bring you joy, and seeking support from trusted loved ones, friends, or professionals.

Start by identifying your healthy self’s voice. It might sound like:

• “You deserve nourishment, no matter what.”
• “Your worth isn’t defined by your weight or appearance.”
• “It’s okay to ask for help.”

Over time, this voice can grow stronger, helping you make decisions aligned with recovery.

Dialoguing Between the Two Selves

A helpful technique is to imagine your healthy self and eating disorder self as distinct characters. Engage them in a dialogue, either by journaling or simply reflecting.

For example:

• Eating disorder self: “Skipping this meal will make you feel better.”
• Healthy self: “Skipping meals will only make me weaker and prolong recovery. I deserve to take care of myself.”

This process helps you reframe harmful thoughts and recognise the eating disorder as separate from your true identity.

Seeking Support

Recovery is not a journey you need to face alone. Support from trained counsellors, therapists, dietitians, or peer groups can help you strengthen your healthy self. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can also provide clarity and encouragement.

Reclaiming Your Identity

Separating your healthy self from the eating disorder self is about reclaiming your identity and creating a life that reflects your values and aspirations. While the process can take, time, effort, and support from others, it’s a crucial step towards long-term recovery.

Remember, the eating disorder is not who you are. Your healthy self is capable of growth, resilience, and embracing life beyond the disorder.

This approach is inspired by Carolyn Costin’s work in “8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder.”

If you are looking for confidential and free support now, the Butterfly National Helpline is open 7 days a week, 8am-midnight (AEST/AEDT). Call 1800 ED HOPE (1800 33 4673) or chat online or email.